picks
5 Christmas Albums That Don’t Suck
During this very special Holiday season, Michael Buble and those guys from Il Divo can suck it. While we’re at it, Celtic Thunder? Suck it. Mariah Carey, Amy Grant, and Josh Groban? Suck it, suck it, suck it. Mannheim Steamroller? I’m not even talking to you, but if I was, I would tell you to suck it.
Every year, we get bombarded with the same old tired versions of the same damn Christmas songs. Enough already! Here are some Christmas albums that are actually good enough to celebrate this supernatural time of year.
The Complete James Brown Christmas, James Brown
No one does Christmas like the Godfather of Soul. James Brown loved Christmas so much that he never got arrested on it. James Brown loved Christmas so much that he died on Christmas day, 2006. How’s that for commitment?
Over his career, James Brown released three different Christmas albums of original songs. The Complete James Brown Christmas pulls 37 of his funkiest together in one collection.
“Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto” gets right to the heart of what Christmas should be about. The sadistic-sounding yet delightfully danceable “Believers Shall Enjoy (Non Believers Shall Suffer)” is about as swingin’ as Christmas time gets. “Hey America (It’s Christmas Time) captures Christmas and provides the opportunity to emphatically point at people while you sing along. And let’s be honest, the holiday blues wouldn’t even exist if every Christmas song included “James Brown love you,” like “Soulful Christmas” does. You can download it all here.
A Charlie Brown Christmas, Vincent Guaraldi Trio
Sure, the Charlie Brown Christmas special may be one of the most depressing existential reflections on holiday commercialization and bastardization (brought to you by Ford), but like it or not, this may be the only realistic animated Christmas special ever made.
The gravity and significance of A Charlie Brown Christmas is underscored by its soundtrack. It’s worth noting Vince Guaraldi died young, without warning, and still no exact explanation–which kind of fits into Charlie Brown’s outlook on life. Merry Christmas!
You can pick it up for only five bucks.
Christmas in Soulsville, Various
What’s Christmas Eve without Daddy throwing down the wrench, leaving his son’s new bike in rickety pieces, creeping up on Momma arranging presents, and making the whole damn holiday filthy? Santa Claus wants some lovin’? Damn straight.
This Stax compilation has some of the most soulful classic and original Christmas songs around. You simply can’t beat Otis’ “Merry Christmas, Baby.” Plus it’s got TWO versions of “Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’,” the Emotions’ “Black Christmas” and tracks by the Staple Singers and Isaac Hayes. I listen to this one in June. Get it here.
Songs For Christmas, Sufjan Stevens
Yes, Sufjan Stevens’ music can veer right at pretentious and exit at Hipsterdoucheburg, but hey, it’s Christmas. Over the past decade, Sufjan has released five Christmas EP’s with fairly epic nuevo-folk arrangements of classics and new tunes. Initially only for family and friends (the best gift is something you make yourself, blah, blah, blah), he later released the recordings.
The collection of all five Christmas EP’s has enough bells and banjos to almost make you regret calling his music douchey. Almost. You can pick up the Christmas collection here.
The Spirit of Christmas, Ray Charles
First off, no one does “Rudolph” like Ray Charles. No one. Even if the song is about a bunch of brown-nosed, opportunistic reindeer mocking and using Rudolph, Ray makes it all funky and feel good. And in his “Little Drummer Boy,” Ray is so soulful and heartfelt you actually feel bad for him when he sings, “I have no gift to bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum, that’s fit to give a king pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.” It makes you want to say, “Oh Ray, little baby Jesus still loves you. It ain’t all about the gifts. Give little baby Jesus a hug, maybe burp him. He’d like that.” But then you realize, Ray Charles already knows –Ray Charles gets it.
Peter Grumbine is a writer, producer, and talker who has covered music, pop culture, and the apocalypse for CNN, Current TV, and Maxim Magazine, among others, online, on-air and in print.
Image: Kevin Dooley
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